Friday, December 27, 2019

Wild Mike's Ultimate Pizza (Pepperoni)

Wild Mike's Ultimate Pizza's main selling point seems to be its size: it's the largest frozen pizza I have ever seen for sale in a store. "Over 2 LBS," the box advertises, though the wording is difficult to see amidst the staggeringly - some might say annoyingly - bright colors.

Usually I see these with a price tag of 8 bucks; I picked this one up on sale for $5.99.

Thoughtfully, the pizza contains packets of red pepper and Italian spice for the consumer to add.

It wasn't attractive; it wasn't unattractive. It looks like the pizza you see under heat lamps at a cheap buffet.

And it tasted about the same.

It is not exactly bad, and if any effort had been made towards using a high-quality sauce, I have no doubt Wild Mike's would be one of the more popular frozen pizzas. But no effort was made.

The makers of this pizza were considerate in making the pizza large. I wish they had put some effort into making the pizza good.

Maybe at some point in your life you have found a bottle of spices at the back of your pantry and wondered Jesus, how long have these been here? 

And maybe you've given them a taste just for the hell of it. Undoubtedly you discovered dried-out flakes of something, a slight echo of what once may have been flavor, and you threw the bottle out.

That's how these spices tasted.

I might buy one of these again if they are on sale, because you can get at least two meals out of one pizza. (Maybe even three if you're not a glutton like I am.)

But it's entirely possible that I will never buy one again.


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