American Flatbread Uncured Pepperoni & Uncured Bacon

Another of those 50%-off pizzas from the two-week sale Whole Foods offered at the beginning of the month. 

I have noticed American Flatbread pizzas for years but never tried one - never had the inclination to try one, to be honest. Perhaps it's the pretentious name; perhaps just the fact that they look kind of boring. 

But, hey, if I'm not going to try it with a 50% discount, I'm not ever going to try it, right? 

Out of the box, it looked every bit as boring as I expected it to. The bacon was concentrated around the center of the pie. The pepperoni was almost nonexistent. 

The box advertises "fresh herbs." What does that mean when they're on a frozen pizza? That they didn't use dried herbs? Who gives a shit? They're still frozen. 

I cooked it for the recommended amount of time, which caused the cheese to burn. I know some people prefer their pizzas this way. I am not one of them.

As for taste? Not bad. Not good. Flavorless. 

The crust was better than average, though of course with frozen pizza, that is a low bar to clear. 

I would have been very disappointed if I had paid full price for this only to find the meager amount of insipid toppings. 

I ended up sprinkling salt and pepper on top, drizzling it with olive oil, and eating it that way - a kind of vaguely-flavored breadsticks. 

I will not be getting one of these again. I will not be getting any American Flatbread pizzas again, not even at 50% off. 

THE RATING: 🍕🍕