Friday, December 11, 2020

Screamin' Sicilian Thin & Crispy Chicken Bacon Ranch

Screamin' Sicilian debuted a few years back and I tried them pretty quickly, finding them to be much better than your average frozen pizza. But I haven't eaten them too many times, for two reasons. First, while they're better than average, that's not saying much when it comes to frozen pizza. It's like being the valedictorian of summer school or the best defensive player on the 2020 Dallas Cowboys. 

Second, when these pizzas are not on sale, they are generally priced around 9, sometimes 10 dollars. That's not outrageous - I spend more money on food than anything else in my life, by a wide margin - but it's just a little bit more than it should be. If I'm paying that much for a frozen pizza, I expect it to be something I love, not merely something I find "better than average."

A couple of weeks ago I noticed, for the first time, that Screamin' Sicilian now offers thin & crispy pizzas - in their typically irreverent way, the box announces "I'm Thin & Crispy."

I opted to try the "Chicken Bacon Ranch" flavor, despite the fact that I have yet to have one of that variety that I truly enjoy. I mean, I could have gone for the pepperoni, but why not take a chance? 

As with the other Screamin' Sicilian pizzas I have tried, there was a decent amount of toppings. This one did not have quite as many as I am used to, but it was by no means skimpy. 

Part of this is fantastic. Part of it is truly awful. 

Want more details? Okay. 

The sauce was better than I ever could have imagined a "ranch sauce," to be. While I do not hate ranch, I do not particularly like it, almost always finding it boring. This was neither boring nor bland. And the cheese was good, too. Often cheese on a frozen pizza doesn't melt so much as it merely gets softer. This cheese melted into a tasty pool. 

However, the chicken was the most rubbery, flavorless chicken I believe I have ever tasted on a frozen pizza. In the past, I have found Screamin' Sicilian's toppings to be quite good; it is surprising that their chicken could be this awful. 

Ditto the crust. While the thicker crust of other Screamin' Sicilian pizzas have been pretty good, this thin crust was terrible. 

It's disappointing and, quite frankly, shocking, that they could nail the cheese and ranch sauce but screw up the rest so completely. I will never get another one of their thin crust pizzas. 

(However, they also now offer a crust made with beer... if I can find one anywhere - it does not appear they are currently sold in my area - I will absolutely be getting one of those.)

THE RATING: 🍕

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